The Confrontation

Alright, so I guess some of you might be interested to know what happened with my boss. Well, before I tell you, I should add that she called me up yesterday and complained yet again about something that was her fault and not mine...but she was pissed at me nonetheless.

Anyways, so I almost exploded. I was doing everything I could not to yell at her over the phone. It was one of those abrupt stops that are bad for you...like when you slam on your breaks in your car (bad for the breaks and tires) or when you stop peeing in the middle of peeing.

So, I resolved that I was going to bring up the email to her when she was to "talk" to me. I couldn't not do it...I needed some way of relieving my stress and putting my mind at ease that the confrontation would either make things better or simply put things to an end (ie she would fire me).

So, this morning, she called me into her office. It was quite clear to me that she had worked herself up to lay it on me. I could tell she had been dwelling on it a long time...rationalizing it all in her head. She had it all perfectly laid out that it was might fault that I was totally incompetent...and that I deserved to be yelled at.

So, I went in. I had also been dwelling on it. I was terribly anxious and trying to calm myself down. I was hoping she wouldn't ask to speak to me about it. I was hoping it would go away. But that was not going to happen.

So, I sat down. And she began telling me how I had messed up so many things. She said things like "frankly, you are a bad administrative assistant" and "I really don't know what your problem is." I sat there and merely noded that I was hearing what she was saying (not an affirmative nod). She quickly got to the supposed "missing" document. She then started to lay into me about how bad it was that I didn't give it to her and how many problems it caused. I should point out that it caused no problems that any human being could not easily handle. It simply was not even a big deal, but she had convinced herself it was. Anyways, as she continue along this...I very delicately tried to cut in. This took several tried before I was able to get out a sentence of "I really don't mean to contradict you, but I am very confident that I gave you the document with your folder for your trip." She immediately retaliated rather angrily that I most certainly did not give it to her. She was very insistant on this point and was angry that I would challenge this. Again, she had convinced herself so completely that I was just a fuck up.

Anyways, as she was on this diatribe, I again struggled to interject something in my defense. I finally got out, "Again, I don't mean to contradict you but, I have an email from you the day you left on your trip where you specifically say you have the document." She was confused at first and did not understand. I tried to explain it more clearly, and when I did, she said "let me see that." She read it over and still did not seem to understand, even though it was only one sentence long. So, I carefully go over it showing that it very clearly says in her own words, "I was looking at [document]." Finally, when I had finished this, she exclaimed even more angrily, "Well, I don't know what to tell you; I did not have it. It was not in my folder; you did not put it in there."

As is clear, she had totally just disregarded the very clear evidence that I had indeed given it to her. She then slammed the folder down in front of me saying, "Look. It is not in here. Look for yourself. I never took anything out of here. Anything I looked at I put it right back in. And it is not in here." She then continued talking angrily (I am not sure what she was saying b/c I had half tuned out her bitching), while I opened the folder and looked through the papers. I then found the document in question. It was in her folder. I simply pulled it out, laid it in front of her, and said "here it is."

She staired at it for a few seconds. As best I could tell, she was trying to make sure it was indeed what we were looking for and that there was not any way out of this. She then began to mumble and speak repetatively (this is what she does when shes trying to think intently and talk at the same time). She mumbled out, "Okay well I'm sorry I didn't know it was in there but...." I am not really sure what she mumbled about for a few seconds. But then she began talking about how disorganized the folder was (which it wasn't...there were only like 5 pieces of paper in there and I've given her much more on other trips). She then said something (which was very confused and unclear) that seemed to indicate that I should have somehow let her know it was in there (perhaps by making a table of contents for her 5 page folder....). [I should point out also that the repeated, mumbled phrase, "I didn't know it was in there" is actually not true. As is clear from the email, she was aware that she had it because she specifically mentioned it. She merely forgot it was there (which frankly, is not a big deal). I could really care less that she forgot; it could happen to anyone. My problem is that she blamed me.]

She then went on to a few other things that she thinks I did wrong. I somewhat defended myself (she had toned down a little at this point), but that was how she was going to save herself...going into insignificant issues. She also claimed I didn't put something on her outlook calendar (which I had....and later that day showed to her that I had done so). She had thrown it out there as an out for the situation. She also went on about how terribly disorganized I am and how everyone else agrees (yes, she tells other people about my supposed incompetence).



So, that is what has happened. I have concluded that one way or another I will not be working here after a month. Either she is going to fire me because she thinks I'm really bad at my job, she is going to fire me because I might blow up at her if she does shit like this again (which she will), or I will simply walk out. However, I need a new job ASAP. I mean, that is obvious. But it is even more urgent. I need it right now. So, on top of needing to take the GRE in the next few weeks and finishing up my grad school apps before the end of November, I am going to have to get a new job. What joy!


PS. For those of you who are aware of that job I applied to in August (but had not heard back from)....you know the one that would have solved all of my problems. Well, I found out today that I did not get it. Great day.